All these thoughts about life and death brought me back to the experience of watching the movie Loving Vincent (link: movie trailer). I don’t know if I care for recognition or fortune, but I do want to send enough paintings out into the world so that if reincarnation is true, I could come across something of mine in a later life.
I painted this yesterday without any music on, just another episode of Lucifer (tv series) in the background. I painted it with only a couple of round lights in my mind and this came to be. And when I looked at the finished piece I thought to myself; starry night, Vincent.
After the movie I feel like we have the same heart, feeling inexplicably connected to him and his fate. I’m genderqueer inside so it doesn’t make a difference that he’s a man. It’s much like a feeling of looking at another yourself. I came back from the cinema with the most clear sense of purpose like I had never felt before; my life’s only mission is to paint. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fortunate in love or wealth but I know I need to paint. Death comes for us all. Sometimes that’s a comforting thought, sometimes not so much.
There was only me and some random couple at the cinema that day. The movie moved me to tears many times. I didn’t expect it to make such an impact. Like so much in life, things just hit us, straight to the heart.