Painting with the palette knife continues. More cityscapes. Togetherness. Messy brightness.
“Escapism”, acrylic paint on paper, A4-sized.
When I started this painting yesterday I was feeling bright colours, passions, edges, intensity. Today feels more grounded, more earthy, but the passion is still there. Either way, I decided not to mess with the colours so the brightness remains. I wonder what would’ve happened if I had decided to express passion in movement instead, a picture that implies wind and life and love. Perhaps no matter what I would’ve painted today I wouldn’t have been satisfied enough. Maybe what I want to express today just doesn’t fit into a single painting.
“Make A Wish”, acrylic on paper, A4-sized.
Its “twin” is carrying the same passion but is based on the loveliest blue. We’ll see where that goes as I continue working on it tomorrow.
All these thoughts about life and death brought me back to the experience of watching the movie Loving Vincent (link: movie trailer). I don’t know if I care for recognition or fortune, but I do want to send enough paintings out into the world so that if reincarnation is true, I could come across something of mine in a later life.
I painted this yesterday without any music on, just another episode of Lucifer (tv series) in the background. I painted it with only a couple of round lights in my mind and this came to be. And when I looked at the finished piece I thought to myself; starry night, Vincent.
After the movie I feel like we have the same heart, feeling inexplicably connected to him and his fate. I’m genderqueer inside so it doesn’t make a difference that he’s a man. It’s much like a feeling of looking at another yourself. I came back from the cinema with the most clear sense of purpose like I had never felt before; my life’s only mission is to paint. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fortunate in love or wealth but I know I need to paint. Death comes for us all. Sometimes that’s a comforting thought, sometimes not so much.
There was only me and some random couple at the cinema that day. The movie moved me to tears many times. I didn’t expect it to make such an impact. Like so much in life, things just hit us, straight to the heart.
Today’s song while painting is Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra – Smile.
I started this one imagining I’d add sharp edges with yellow but I wanted to use up the red and white I had left from painting the night before. And then it turned all pink. And I thought to myself “What a cliché! On Valentine’s Day!”. But I left it alone. No yellow.
It doesn’t feel like I’ll ever be in the mood for painting sunny landscapes. Or maybe I’ll paint it to escape into somewhere else sometime. Every day is painful, maybe painting will help or maybe it won’t.
Today’s song while painting is Amanda Palmer’s Blake Says.
Getting an accurate photo of this one was ridiculously difficult. Getting a clear photo with better details, quite impossible. That leaf is properly blood red in real life. I’ll try again when there’s daylight on a clear winter’s day. The muddled winter days aren’t much better for photographing.
I’m cynical enough to call tomorrow The Day of Delusions. We’ll see what I’ll feel like painting.
I’ve been listening to different singers doing “Send In The Clowns” over and over while painting this one. I accidentally heard it on a random Facebook video and felt moved, I guess it reminds me of how things seem right now or how I feel or something in that direction.
My favourite version of the song so far is the one by Barbara Streisand. Have I mentioned clowns make me really, really uneasy? So the song feels a bit ominous.
Calling the painting “I Love You” because, well, that’s what I painted. The real life version reminds me of pastels, there’s an unevenness that I want to keep. The painting is done in acrylics. This is all very Valentine’s Day but it’s not why I’m painting on that theme. It’s just on my mind.
I swear, I’m just being taken for a ride every time I start painting. I didn’t mean to paint this. It just wanted to be. And I made it. Because I couldn’t possibly stop what it wanted to be once I started painting.
The subject is of course a result of the day I’ve had. The colours, the mood, has much to do with how I’m feeling in the moment. But it’s not like I plan what’s to come. I’m as surprised as anyone else when I see the results.
20×20 centimeter / 8×8 inches canvas, acrylic paint.