At 5:13 pm today I got a flash of what I wanted my next painting to be. However, after attending a classical concert and getting home past 10 pm I was too exhausted for detail work. Maybe I’ll make it tomorrow. Today we have an abstract instead.
“When Doves Cry”, 8×8 inches or 20×20 centimeter.
Today my mind has been preoccupied with thoughts about strength. I see myself as a strong person and I often end up around people who lean on me for support. That’s fine. But when it comes to finding someone I can spend my life with, the gap can’t be too great. So on my mind today has been strength. How important it is to do what’s right, not according to tradition or values or society, but having the emotional intelligence to know what’s the healthy thing to do rather than the comfortable. It’s not easy to know and it takes time. Still, a lot of people I talk to know what they should do yet they avoid doing it.. because the in-laws will be mean, because somehow they’ll become tolerant of all the things that drive them nuts about the other person, because the other person will surely change now finally, because the sweet memories they had creates a nostalgic forcefield too great to escape, or because what if they can turn back time and magically become people they used to be with needs they used to have. Sometimes it’s a sign there’s one more thing they need to try before facing up to looking at the present with clear eyes. Sometimes it means they’ll spend the rest of their life in comfortable rewardless mediocrity.
So that’s what ran through my mind while splashing paint today. Just the sadness and futility of it all. And me, looking for someone brave, who won’t make excuses forever or settles. I can’t imagine how crap it would feel to be on the receiving end of that, to be with someone who’s with you because they think they don’t deserve better or doesn’t dare change their life.
So I’m looking for someone brave who will properly work on a relationship but won’t stay just to make me happy. Honesty hurts but dang, the alternative is worse.
And in the mean while, strong or not, I’m in a dove crying mood tonight. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I was trying to use a paint thinner for acrylics for this painting but I think I grabbed the wrong bottle. I don’t know how it will effects its longevity or the paint. Drats.