July 2021: Transformational Trials

It’s certainly been a year. I started 2020 with a heartache, leading into grief, and then I stepped onto a complete transformation path. And oh yes, the pandemic. It’s been pretty crazy.

For a year I wasn’t able to paint. My heart was gone, I was tired.

Then, despite the grief of having to let go of a previous type of life with all its hopes and dreams, I found the direction for a new life, a new me with an old love, and my heart grew again. I slowly started painting again.

Now I’m so far into the healing process that I’m getting back to posting updates and adding new paintings for sale into my shop. I’m considering putting some up for sale at Saatchiart.com, I really enjoy the idea of my art hanging out with other contemporary artists. Going to that website feels like going to an art exhibition. My paintings might be feeling a bit lonely. Perhaps a few would like to mingle at Saatchi.

July is busy. I have a day job as an essential worker, right now I’m on vacation and everything I don’t normally have time for needs to get done. That, and relaxing is on my to do list as well. Life is short, we never know just how short it will be, so it’s best to add as much pleasure and relaxation into life as possible. It works out the best when this also happens while working. I add a tasty snack to my day, listen to an audio book while getting things done, make sure to take 5 minutes to just sit and breathe. Take good care of yourselves, folks.

You Are a Brightness

Pictured above is a painting I started on in June and most likely finished in July. I say most likely because I’m not sure yet, does it need some tweaks? Perhaps I need to add some shadows at the bottom where the water is.

In July I aim to tweak some old paintings and start on at least one new painting while the warm summer breeze plays in my skirt and hair. I wish you sweet summer days.

Day 30: Creativity Forest

It’s the last day of the 30 paintings in 30 days challenge. Tomorrow we’re all posting a collage of the paintings we’ve done. Then it’s time to go through them all, paint borders, fix minor things, add a hanging mechanism, add varnish, calculate price for some of them and distribute.

“Creativity Forest”, 8×8 inches 20×20 centimeter, acrylic painting.
Progress pics of the painting below.

It’s been a very full moon day. Somewhere in the sky is a big bright moon making people crazy.

Part of the day was lovely, loved talking about Instagram. Other parts of the day was the reason I took some time to literally scream out emotion. If I find out the little whispering people have been making issues I will shout into their faces this time, they’ve used up my patience. If they want to deal with me and have my respect they’d better talk, say what they want, because if they leave me guessing and acting weird then I stop caring about what they need, I have zero tolerance for that kind of drama. And I found out my favourite neighbour has moved, hence no more random monastery music or opportunity to overhear philosophy talk as they discuss outside on their balcony. And then I had my own version of Lucifer season 3 episode 7, except not quite so extreme. Truly, when you’ve hurled major abuses at me several times I’m done listening to what reasons might be behind them, I’m leaving. So that’s my day today. Maybe it’s the reason why the painting turned out darker in color than I had planned. Overall not a bad day but a frustrating one.

Day 24: After Midnight

It’s been a topsy-turvy day. Temperatures dropped rapidly and triggered my fibromyalgia, like what am I, a weather station? So today I’ve been stupidly tired. Then I broke down, so much sorrow. And then it was in the middle of the night and I still had a painting to do.

“After Midnight”, 8×8 inches or 20×20 centimeter acrylic painting on canvas.

I’m so sleepy I’m painting with one eye closed. I keep finding myself squinting like a pirate and telling myself “I’m almost done”. I was already about to post the so called final version when I had this strong feeling that lanterns of some kind were missing. Below you see the version before the lanterns.

Just need to post this to the 30 paintings in 30 days challenge blog and then to facebook and then I can stop being a pirate and close both eyes and sleep.

PS: These creatures often show up in my paintings when I paint at night. Should I be concerned?

Day 15: For Vincent

All these thoughts about life and death brought me back to the experience of watching the movie Loving Vincent (link: movie trailer). I don’t know if I care for recognition or fortune, but I do want to send enough paintings out into the world so that if reincarnation is true, I could come across something of mine in a later life.

I painted this yesterday without any music on, just another episode of Lucifer (tv series) in the background. I painted it with only a couple of round lights in my mind and this came to be. And when I looked at the finished piece I thought to myself; starry night, Vincent.

After the movie I feel like we have the same heart, feeling inexplicably connected to him and his fate. I’m genderqueer inside so it doesn’t make a difference that he’s a man. It’s much like a feeling of looking at another yourself. I came back from the cinema with the most clear sense of purpose like I had never felt before; my life’s only mission is to paint. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fortunate in love or wealth but I know I need to paint. Death comes for us all. Sometimes that’s a comforting thought, sometimes not so much.

There was only me and some random couple at the cinema that day. The movie moved me to tears many times. I didn’t expect it to make such an impact. Like so much in life, things just hit us, straight to the heart.

Day 5: The Moon Void in Scorpio

You know that feeling when you really don’t feel like painting, something just doesn’t sit right.. I usually follow that feeling. And when I don’t, this happens.



Strangeness. Warped stuff. The kind of feeling you get when the moon is void in Scorpio, if you know what I mean. That aimless sort of lost in the depth of whirls of subconscious flow and conscious processing. Ah I don’t know. It’s been a weird day, too much feeling, too much aimlessly wondering what I’m supposed to do. Hopefully the next few days will be clearer as I need to paint ahead so that I’m not stuck doing a painting every day even if I’m falling down tired or falling down depressed.

January ends.. now!? What!?

I can’t believe it, we rushed through a whole January already!? It’s a month with 31 days, shouldn’t this month have felt long?

This means the end of Tara Lazar’s Storystorm challenge to come up with one story idea per day. I sleepily voice recorded one idea, I forgot two ideas and then remembered them and then forgot them again. I did write some down in a text file. Overall I can’t believe how disorganized I’ve been.

And as January ends it means the Colour Collective is starting up on Twitter again! I already started on my entry earlier this week but I feel it represents my usual style too much and I want to go in a lighter touch kind of direction, so I’m not too happy with it right now. Colour Collective entries go live on Fridays.

And as January ends it means the start of the 30 paintings in 30 days challenge, which is a major project and.. I don’t feel ready! Halp! I don’t worry about finding subjects to paint, I’m just feeling dizzy from all the things going on and it’s not exactly helping getting into the mindspace of putting hours into a painting. Still, I have one more day to get mentally prepared.

Hope you’ve had a good January! To me it feels like it just started, I can’t believe we’ve already cleared the first month of 2018.

The Canvas Hunt

Despite living in a small city it’s been stupidly difficult to find the exact right canvas I need for the 30 paintings in 30 days challenge. Perhaps it’s so difficult because I’m being very specific about what I want. 20 cm x 20 cm, or 8 inch x 8 inch, square canvases with a 15 millimeter (about the size of a nail) deep edge so that they don’t necessarily need framing and they all match perfectly. The plan is to create a series of paintings with the theme of “trees”. And I can’t wait. Been itching to get started for over a week now but there’s still a couple of weeks left before the challenge starts in February. And I have things to do and prepare before that. Like finding 12 more right sized canvases to paint on, equipping them with a hanging mechanism, figuring out packaging details, etc.
Mad Hatter in Progress

Slowing Down the Challenge

Experienced a sudden crash in health and well being. Yesterday I started on a new painting using acrylic paint on acrylic pad paper. The Mad Hatter. My health dip made me sleep for hours so I didn’t finish it on time and the same happened today. That’s how life goes sometimes, not all health issues can be dodged. Either way, the painting that was supposed to be finished in a day will probably be two days late.   Mad Hatter in Progress                       I don’t often do portraits so it doesn’t flow as easily as paintings of trees and fields. Getting the right colour mix and shadows falling well will be a fun challenge. At the same time it makes me hesitant to work on it. I don’t want to ruin it, especially since I’ve shown the world I’m working on it.   For the record, doctors have suggested chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia as a potential explanation for what I’m experiencing. Usually it’s not that bad. Today’s tiredness was mostly because I had to get up early in the morning so my brain kept waking me up plenty times during the night just in case it was time to go. Ugh. The brain is like a big well meaning but clumsy dog sometimes.
Rat's Kingdom by Jennloop

The mess! This layout doesn’t work!

I’m having layout doubts again. I know how I’d like to change the images at the top but what about the rest of it? Something’s just not right. And I know myself, this is going to keep bugging me and hinder my website-related work until I fix it. The featured image of this post is one I made some years ago after having read someone’s blog post about how she spotted a rat at the dump and it turned and looked at her. No doubt that would be a hideous experience for many people but I rather have a thing for rats and mice, so my rat at the dump looks friendly. The dump is more or less how I feel about my website right now. Perhaps someone else can see this place the way I see the rat; a perfectly lovely thing. The trouble is that I can’t.

The Faerie Folk

For a long time I’ve wanted to see the wee people, the faeries and elementals and gnomes. I’ve always had odd experiences so why not add faeries to that? So far no luck as far as actual sight goes but I remember the day I bought Brian Froud’s Faeries Oracle cards. I was spreading the cards out onto the kitchen table and invited the faeries to join. It was a ritual to connect, to get acquainted. My sensitive cat companion Desirée decided to join me and started watching something flying through the air. I figured it could’ve been a fly, who knows, and kept connecting with the cards. My cat started half-lazily chasing whatever she was seeing and now it was clear that whatever she saw was going through the (completely solid) table and moving fast around as if playing with the cat. If it was a bug or fae, I leave that up to you to decide for yourself. (Image: #colour_collective entry from a few weeks ago, colour theme Viridian.)